A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
