So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
