My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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