shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
