you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
