You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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