Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
