Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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