They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
