Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
are you so shy because you have an std?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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