you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
