I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
