some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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