Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize