come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
