Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
