it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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