i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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