So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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