Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
