how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
