Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
