That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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