I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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