I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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