I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
