I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
