Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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