I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
