I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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