it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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