My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
