I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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