why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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