Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
