I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
