hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
