seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
