My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will be naked everywhere
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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