Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
