the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
