Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
