My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I will die if light touches me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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