Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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