I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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