I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
