Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there was a trapeze. enough said
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
