yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
