I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
