6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
