college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
