im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
