am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
