so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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