cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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