I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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