Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
