How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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