i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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