I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize