I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
