Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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