If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
