i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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