I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let's paint friendship bongs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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