Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
