Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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