I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
