Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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