Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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