Moan for me like Helen Keller
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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