I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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