And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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