Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize