he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
