Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
