If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
this is an emotional support booty call
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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