May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize