i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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