I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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