Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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