you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize