i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
