I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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