Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
