so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
