That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
