Please don't use social media to get back at me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
