U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
