I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
