hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
