I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
