Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
