im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's never too late to be topless.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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