Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
