Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
