i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
