I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
