Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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