Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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