I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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