I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize