i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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