Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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