I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
